Efficiency
People talk a lot about being “fast”:
- fast with a knife
- fast to plate
- prepping fast
- walking fast
- setting up fast
- etc
- etc
- etc
But let’s take a hot second to look at the definition of fast:
When Burnout Strikes.
A few weeks back I wrote a post about avoiding the dreaded burnout, and how the satisfaction at the end of the day is worth it.
I still believe that. It’s totally worth every minute. I love my job, I love my career.
It’s kind of like… like you accidentally flicked the burning cherry out of your cigarette… you know there’s still more there to burn, you know you can keep going, but the damn heat source is sitting there on the ground, and you don’t know how it happened or how to get it back. It’s been a year since I’ve had more than three days off in a row (once) and I’m hurting the last couple of weeks…. my embers are on the ground.
How did I get here? Well, let’s take a look:
I’m a culinary student 16 hours a week (three days), and work 50ish hours a week most weeks. Then I have a pet, a home to maintain, a car to maintain. There are… 168 hours in a week… minus school and work that leaves 102 hours… subtract time you sleep (let’s say we’re lucky and get 6 hours a night) you get down to 60 hours a week to yourself. Which seems like a lot, right? well divided by 7 that’s roughly 8 hours a day to decompress after work, eat breakfast, do laundry, clean the apartment, wash the car, eat lunch, grocery shop, go to petco, see your family… the list goes on and on. Suddenly there are not enough hours in the day.
Every day is a struggle. It takes everything I have to get out of bed and turn on the kettle for coffee in the morning.
Here’s the thing… Once I’m going, I’m going. By 3pm, I hit the line running (at least two coffees and a 16oz redbull later) and hoping that we’ll have a good, busy night. All is well and good right? Wrong.
My temper is short. My emotions are all sorts of fucked up. I’m super sensitive, but on the angry side, not on the go-cry-in-the-corner side. I have zero patience. I’m irritated all the damn time. It affects my performance. I get frustrated and it’s all over. I can’t control it anymore. I’m gonna lose it on someone, and it’s going to be ugly.
I keep trying to follow my own advice… to make time for the hobbies, and my friends/family… find that way to decompress, let go, and relax. But lately I don’t have the energy to run, or even pick the magazine up off of the floor and read through it. So here I am. Avoiding getting in the shower because that means I have to take off my clothes, put new ones on, and go to work.
On the bright side, school ends for the summer in two weeks (weekday classes) and four weeks (sunday classes), I have a vacation coming up (three weeks out, for five days)… and I just keep looking forward to those things. And when all else fails, there is always vodka.
How do you cope with burnout? How do you find the lighter in your pockets and relight that cigarette?
Devil’s Food Cake (for thought)
As a precursor to this, I want you all to take note of my post from a few days ago, the one about the short rib and biscuit sandwich. I believe in eating well (healthfully), but also eating WELL (thus the sandwich). I love all things rich, creamy, chocolatey, savory, buttery… you get the point.
This is the devil’s food cake I made today.
Chocolate cake, raspberry coulie, lemon whipped cream, honey yogurt sauce, with hardened sugar and strawberry garnish.
Look at it. As my instructor said “don’t you just want to take it into a corner and make out with it?”
Here’s the twist: It’s made with honey instead of refined sugar, half of the white flour was replaced with whole wheat pastry flour and I used less egg than usual (modified from four whole eggs down to three egg whites and one yolk). There should have been beets in there (little known fact: traditional devil’s food cake contains beets. the beets, despite their earthiness, are extremely sweet and also nutrient dense)
And despite all the changes, it still tastes fucking awesome. Just like any other chocolate cake. The berries along with the citrus and the honey and the chocolate… mmmmmmmmmmmm. It’s all the good things in life all rolled into one bomb ass looking plate.
And did I mention that it’s actually halfway good for you?! This course has really changed my outlook on “healthy” food. I never believed anyone when they told me that things could be healthy AND flavorful AND satisfying at the same time… but I’m totally on board now.
message me and I’ll be happy to provide more details on the recipe :) or just chat about healthy, delicious food!
Oatmeal.
An instructor of mine told me a few weeks ago that eating oatmeal for breakfast would change my life.
I was a disbeliever - thought he was nuts and yaddayadda. But, being one who is always up for a challange, I thought I would give it a shot.
I’ve been eating oatmeal (real steel-ground oats, none of that instant packet crap) every morning for about 10 days now, and I’ll be honest, I’m shocked and my life is changed.
Read on for more details.
Sorry for the delay
I know I promised a recipe for the biscuit sandwich yesterday, but I haven’t had a chance to get it all written down yet. It’ll be up soon, just not right this moment. Come back in a day or two and check in, I’ll do my best for y’all!
Braised short rib and biscuit sandwich…. Port wine demi-glacé for dipping.
Decadent. Omnomnom. Recipe to follow soon!
“Remember back in the day when we had lives and friends?”
Yes, my friend, I remember.
It was a long, long time ago, back when the grass was green and the loveliest of the animals was the Unicorn. Before Culinary School, before Restaurants, before.
…Before this industry started claiming our lives bit by little bit… at first in pieces so small we didn’t notice, and then in bigger and bigger chunks, until all of a sudden, we started wondering what happened:
How many days has it been since my last day off? … until my next day off?
When did I start waking up with this cough every day?
When did I start drinking this much coffee and redbull?
Fuck me I’m sick…damn it, there are no ifs-and-or-buts about the fact that I have to work, whether this toast stays down or not.
I worked a 60 hour week, how am I still barely making rent?
How did the $7.50 in my checking account got me through four days? … because it had to, and on the fourth day, it bought me a Bombay Sapphire and Sprite (extra lime), because that was what I needed.
When was the last time I saw my friends? My family? Went on a date?
When I was young, I never understood why so many people burnt out of this industry so quickly.
Now that I’m a part of the industry, I can totally see it.
This industry will take EVERYTHING from you. It’ll beat you down, then pick you up, then beat you down again. You’re going to be sad, lonely, frustrated. Your working hours and days will be opposite everyone you know. While they are going out to eat with friends… you are the one in the kitchen putting that food out. If it’s a Friday night, you’ll probably spend the night in the weeds, struggling to keep your head above water, so your friends out there won’t be pissed that their food took too long. When your nieces, nephews, children celebrate birthdays (graduations, win big games…the list goes on) you will be in the kitchen. When you meet someone and want to go on a date? GOOD FUCKING LUCK finding a time that works for both of you… because you will be working opposite schedules. Or, if they are in the industry, the one night off that both of you get during the week (if you get a night off this week), it’ll be on different nights.
But on the other side, I get why people keep doing it vacationless year after 70 hour workweek after burn after burn after burn:
It’s fucking satisfying, bro.
At the end of the night, when the ticket machines fall silent, after desserts have finally gone to the last table… That cigarette tastes fucking good (fuck the cough in the morning).When the head count comes in, and you did 400 people without a complaint? Shit, that is about as satisfying as it gets. Once the kitchen is clean, that cold beer with your team is gonna feel heaven sent. When you finally get to see your best friend after weeks of trying to find time? When you finally see your family? That’ll be the best couple hours you have had in a long time. When you finally find time to go on that date… you finally get that kiss you’ve been longing for… life is good. When that first vacation in two years rolls around? Life is really, really fucking good for that whole week.
It’s all worth it in the end. You just have to find a way to balance it out. You can’t let the endless nights creep in and destroy you. Find that thing in the morning that makes you happy for a few hours before you have to suit up, shut up, and do it all over again.
It can be as simple as reading a blog, snuggling in bed for an extra hour with your girlfriend/boyfriend, going for a run (more on that particular choice later) or walk, or, coffee with your best friend at your favorite local shop on the way to your respective restaurants for the night. Find your thing. Hang on to your sanity. Because no matter how hard it gets, you know you still love it. The rush, the excitement, the satisfaction.
Eggbeater
This is quite possibly my favorite blog ever.
Shuna - the Chef who writes it is blunt, to the point and honest at all costs. She tells you like it is, no sugar coating. She writes for Chefs and their line cooks, anyone who ever thought they knew what was up in the back of the house.
Read through a couple of posts, you’ll fall (very quickly) just as in love with her as I have.
P.S., Shuna, if you happen upon my humble blog, I would love to meet you someday.
